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Post by lawyernerd on Jun 13, 2016 17:59:04 GMT
So I gave it a shot! Here's the lyrics I've come up with. It's a pretty long song, but it has to encompass a lot of testimony in a ~4 minutes. It's also like my first song ever so I'm lowkey hoping it doesn't suck.
What Tangled Webs we Weave: Payne: (spoken) Mr, err… Witness, please state your name and occupation? Kristoph: Is all of this farce really necessary, Your Honor? (Sung) These accusations are a bald-faced lie- Phoenix: Objection! Then how is it you came across this bald-headed guy? (A pause. Silence reigns and the waltz music kicks in) Kristoph: (Slowly, through gritted teeth) This isn’t important. Phoenix: Smith wore that hat near all night. It’s not up for debate. So how is it that Kristoph knows About this man’s cracked china plate? Kristoph: I’ll have you know that I was there, at the murder scene I witnessed murder at the Bowl, I saw through the window, but I didn’t tell a soul. I was protecting my client, is that so obscene? Judge: (spoken) Are you saying that Mr. Wright is the murderer? Kristoph: I’m merely stating that there was no fourth person at the scene of the crime. Apollo: But that directly contradicts what Mr. Wright’s been saying! Kristoph: What else can I say? I’m on the witness stand. Phoenix: Yes… You had to say that. Your “window” of opportunity. Kristoph: (sung) I ask the court to please regard Why would the murderer Get rid of one small playing card? Phoenix: (spoken) Apollo? Apollo: (spoken quietly) They ask, what would swapping a card achieve? Think, Justice, think! I think it’s time… (sung) for the ace up my sleeve, the ace up my sleeve (spoken) Take that! Look at the blood on this card! With this- Phoenix: The killer would have to get rid of such decisive evidence. Kristoph: Objection! Y-Your Honor! That card is a fake! You cannot possibly accept it into evidence! Phoenix: (sung) Oh what tangled webs we weave, when we practice to deceive! (spoken) How can you be so sure? The only person who can know is one who swapped the cards. The murderer. (sung) And, like that, this card creates a contradiction! Apollo, look at the scene, who has an impossible position? Apollo: (spoken) Uh, well, that would have to be… the victim. Phoenix: (sung) The victim! Apollo: The victim bleed on the cards on table! With his current position, he was unable! (spoken) He must have been facing the other way! And the murderer must have been in front of him… here! Payne: Objection! You fool! That’s a cupboard! Phoenix: (sung) Move the cupboard away! There’s a secret passageway! (spoken) And the cupboard would block the window our witness was looking through. Mr Gavin? Kristoph: Nnk! Don’t expect me to play along with your game, Wright. Phoenix: It’s only a game until someone gets killed. (sung) Oh what tangled webs we weave, when we practice to deceive. Judge: (spoken) I can’t believe that this day has come. Mr. Wright is cleared of all suspicion. Mr. Gavin, I’m afraid I’ll have to issue a warrant for your arrest. Payne: I didn’t even get to do any prosecuting! Kristoph: Objection! This trial is a mockery! (sung, music speeds up) Everyone is acting desperate Wright hasn’t even proved a culprit! Will justice be done? I’m afraid I have to step in. The defendant’s prints are on the murder weapon. How can he be cleared of suspicion, With the case left in this condition? Phoenix: See how the caught fish squirms to the last? Finish it, Apollo, put this all in the past. Apollo: (thinking) What they’re saying… it can’t both be true My mentor versus my hero… I don’t know what to do! But justice won’t leave until justice is done!
Phoenix: Kristoph: Apollo: A lawyer's’ duty is to find the truth All of this is just hearsay What do I do? And though I’m not an illustration He's trying to lead you astray Justice won't leave until justice is done! I believe in you. All of this is defamation I'll do what I must even though it's not fun! Don’t give into temptation! Can't you see through his temptation? Open your eyes See the truth in this tangled web of lies! Apollo: (spoken) Objection! Mr. Wright’s fingerprints are upside down because he picked it up from the ground! Furthermore, there’s a card inside this bottle from when Mr. Wright was upstairs! This proves that the bottles were switched, and all the facts point to you. You must be the murderer, Mr. Gavin! Phoenix: Ha. I like you, kid. (sung) Oh what tangled webs we weave, oh what tangled webs we weave…
As for a melody, there's a rough, unaccompanied one here. It's like really rough, and I'm not an alto so RIP. I did all of the dialogue (kinda goofily) too. The simultaneous part is sung separately, obviously, because I can't do three parts at once. I stayed really true to the game without trying to make it too long, so I hope it makes sense with everything everyone else has written. Lumos suggested a sort of waltz feel like Phoenix and Kristoph are circling each other, so I tried to go with that but I dunno how well it worked. Anyway, I'd love to know what everyone thinks, thanks! |
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Post by gyakutentrial on Jun 13, 2016 18:35:38 GMT
This is really cool!
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Post by Shai on Jun 14, 2016 0:29:57 GMT
This is awesome! But is it weird I thought of a tango instead of a waltz? I saw the lyrics and heard the rough melody and immediately thought of a tango, something akin to Tango Maureen from Rent. |
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Post by Lumos314 on Jun 14, 2016 1:26:05 GMT
This definitely doesn't suck! I especially love your rhymes... I have such trouble getting perfect rhymes because I really like assonental rhymes... My latest addition to Here Comes Justice! can vouch for that. XD (Actually... if you wanted to go help with those lyrics, fixing the rhymes, that would totally be awesome!!)
As far as weaknesses go... You're right. It is a little long and packed with information. I think part of that is you're trying to keep the storytelling similar to the game's, despite the fact that it's inherently not going to work that way, since this is a different medium. In a video game, you're leaving the decision making and puzzle solving to the player -- to Apollo. But here, if we try and skip out on that decision making process, it might be more effective for storytelling. A lot of the time, you let Phoenix defer to Apollo by asking a question. What if we just skipped that, and had Phoenix give the answer right away?
I don't mean to sound didactic or anything... I'm just kinda spouting thoughts here. XD
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Post by gyakutentrial on Jun 14, 2016 1:50:16 GMT
This is awesome! But is it weird I thought of a tango instead of a waltz? I saw the lyrics and heard the rough melody and immediately thought of a tango, something akin to Tango Maureen from Rent. I think that it could be either a tango or a waltz, but what I thought of was (sorry if this doesn't make sense) but something punctuated- kind of like the style in which tango Maureen is sang. |
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Post by gyakutentrial on Jun 14, 2016 2:05:14 GMT
Another thing about this (and this will be very hard to do, considering the game is about logic) is to put more feeling into it (actions tell the real story and dialogue doesn't mean a whole lot). For example:
Apollo: (thinking)
What they’re saying… it can’t both be true
My mentor versus my hero… I don’t know what to do!
But justice won’t leave until justice is done!
For example, I feel like Apollo saying 'I don't know what to do' is pretty obvious and could be expressed through other means.
This is super brilliant, and I commend you for jumping in and writing a song for the first time- it just needs some of polishing before it's done, imo. But so far, this is great! It makes me super happy to be a part of this.
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Post by lawyernerd on Jun 14, 2016 2:14:57 GMT
This definitely doesn't suck! I especially love your rhymes... I have such trouble getting perfect rhymes because I really like assonental rhymes... My latest addition to Here Comes Justice! can vouch for that. XD (Actually... if you wanted to go help with those lyrics, fixing the rhymes, that would totally be awesome!!) As far as weaknesses go... You're right. It is a little long and packed with information. I think part of that is you're trying to keep the storytelling similar to the game's, despite the fact that it's inherently not going to work that way, since this is a different medium. In a video game, you're leaving the decision making and puzzle solving to the player -- to Apollo. But here, if we try and skip out on that decision making process, it might be more effective for storytelling. A lot of the time, you let Phoenix defer to Apollo by asking a question. What if we just skipped that, and had Phoenix give the answer right away? I don't mean to sound didactic or anything... I'm just kinda spouting thoughts here. XD No, no, no, man! You're definitely not being patronizing! I'm glad for any straight-up feedback I can get. I'm a newcomer to this, and you're, at the super very least, like more experienced with this musical than me. To be honest, "This definitely doesn't suck!" is more than I was expecting lol XD Anyway, I'm glad you like my rhymes! I used a rhyme dictionary But assonental rhymes are way cool too, like they're subtler and cleverer, I think! (Though I'll totally run over that part in Here Comes Justice and see if I can do anything!) You make a great point with the weaknesses and stuff. This is just a first draft and everything, of course. (Particularly the melody, I think could use changing. I lowkey am not a fan lol) Letting Phoenix provide the answers would be a good start to cutting down on length and info. There's a lot of stuff to jam into this song, and some things might not make the cut, especially accounting for the disparity between mediums, y'know? Thanks, dude, that really helps! |
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Post by lawyernerd on Jun 14, 2016 2:22:43 GMT
Another thing about this (and this will be very hard to do, considering the game is about logic) is to put more feeling into it (actions tell the real story and dialogue doesn't mean a whole lot). For example: Apollo: (thinking) What they’re saying… it can’t both be true My mentor versus my hero… I don’t know what to do! But justice won’t leave until justice is done! For example, I feel like Apollo saying 'I don't know what to do' is pretty obvious and could be expressed through other means. This is super brilliant, and I commend you for jumping in and writing a song for the first time- it just needs some of polishing before it's done, imo. But so far, this is great! It makes me super happy to be a part of this. Aww thanks! This seems like a really great project with great, understanding, people, and I'm glad I can like throw out all this crazy stuff without being super afraid people will hate it. (Or like, if they do, not in a discouraging, mean way. If that makes sense? ^^') Like you! Those are good suggestions. I can see how that sort of thing would be implied, but you have any examples of like maybe what "other means" are though? I'm not sure I'm clear on it. Adding emotion is sort of a hard thing to do or like even explain how to do, I think. |
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Post by gyakutentrial on Jun 14, 2016 2:32:38 GMT
Another thing about this (and this will be very hard to do, considering the game is about logic) is to put more feeling into it (actions tell the real story and dialogue doesn't mean a whole lot). For example: Apollo: (thinking) What they’re saying… it can’t both be true My mentor versus my hero… I don’t know what to do! But justice won’t leave until justice is done! For example, I feel like Apollo saying 'I don't know what to do' is pretty obvious and could be expressed through other means. This is super brilliant, and I commend you for jumping in and writing a song for the first time- it just needs some of polishing before it's done, imo. But so far, this is great! It makes me super happy to be a part of this. Aww thanks! This seems like a really great project with great, understanding, people, and I'm glad I can like throw out all this crazy stuff without being super afraid people will hate it. (Or like, if they do, not in a discouraging, mean way. If that makes sense? ^^') Like you! Those are good suggestions. I can see how that sort of thing would be implied, but you have any examples of like maybe what "other means" are though? I'm not sure I'm clear on it. Adding emotion is sort of a hard thing to do or like even explain how to do, I think. Yeah, absolutely: this is a huge creative endeavor and for most of us our first. I think everyone is a little scared of what they are going to put out here, which makes it a huge sacrifice when people want to contribute. It helps so much that the community here is cool and understanding. And yeah, I'm not quite sure what examples I could give but I'd like to mess with it a little and see what I can get- is that okay? |
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Post by lawyernerd on Jun 14, 2016 2:33:35 GMT
This is awesome! But is it weird I thought of a tango instead of a waltz? I saw the lyrics and heard the rough melody and immediately thought of a tango, something akin to Tango Maureen from Rent. I don't think it's weird! Yesss! who doesn't love Rent? Tbh, I had like not much idea what to do with the melody, if anyone wants to rework any part of that to improve upon it please then they can totally go right ahead! Either a tango or a waltz feel would work, but I do like the idea of it being sort of like the two dancing around each other. Orchestral-wise, I don't know if it's feasible, but it would be cool to have the music like very briefly freak out when things get intense. Like. A moment of out-of-control mania belying the composed, under-control tone of the song. (This mostly reflects Kristoph.) |
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Post by Kai on Jun 14, 2016 2:34:38 GMT
Oh yeah! That reminds me, because I saw the word "tango" and was reminded.
Going completely off topic, I started this small project which is basically Chicago's Cell Block Tango but with Ace Attorney villains instead. Hit me up if you're interested.
So I've always seen Kristoph's dance style as more of an elegant waltz, rather than a passionate tango. Tango is super passionate and seductive and sexy, and although Kristoph is arguably seductive and sexy (I can feel the judging stares already), I feel waltz brings out a more delicate, refined tone that Kristoph's outer personality has.
I have watched a lot dance to play music (Especially flamenco, gotta love that Symphonie Espagnole) and a lot of my characterization also ties in with how I think the character would dance.
I gotchu guys. Don't worry.
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Post by lawyernerd on Jun 14, 2016 2:37:11 GMT
Aww thanks! This seems like a really great project with great, understanding, people, and I'm glad I can like throw out all this crazy stuff without being super afraid people will hate it. (Or like, if they do, not in a discouraging, mean way. If that makes sense? ^^') Like you! Those are good suggestions. I can see how that sort of thing would be implied, but you have any examples of like maybe what "other means" are though? I'm not sure I'm clear on it. Adding emotion is sort of a hard thing to do or like even explain how to do, I think. Yeah, absolutely: this is a huge creative endeavor and for most of us our first. I think everyone is a little scared of what they are going to put out here, which makes it a huge sacrifice when people want to contribute. It helps so much that the community here is cool and understanding. And yeah, I'm not quite sure what examples I could give but I'd like to mess with it a little and see what I can get- is that okay? Oh yeah, totally okay!! Legit, it's kinda relieving lol. Good luck, and I'll still be working on it too, so we should like message each other and get it more polished and stuff, yeah? |
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Post by Kai on Jun 14, 2016 2:38:21 GMT
Yeah, absolutely: this is a huge creative endeavor and for most of us our first. I think everyone is a little scared of what they are going to put out here, which makes it a huge sacrifice when people want to contribute. It helps so much that the community here is cool and understanding. And yeah, I'm not quite sure what examples I could give but I'd like to mess with it a little and see what I can get- is that okay? Oh yeah, totally okay!! Legit, it's kinda relieving lol. Good luck, and I'll still be working on it too, so we should like message each other and get it more polished and stuff, yeah? Lol this is my first time too, so we're all in the same boat. I hope I will be a good leader to you guys!  |
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Post by lawyernerd on Jun 14, 2016 2:41:02 GMT
Oh yeah! That reminds me, because I saw the word "tango" and was reminded. Going completely off topic, I started this small project which is basically Chicago's Cell Block Tango but with Ace Attorney villains instead. Hit me up if you're interested. So I've always seen Kristoph's dance style as more of an elegant waltz, rather than a passionate tango. Tango is super passionate and seductive and sexy, and although Kristoph is arguably seductive and sexy (I can feel the judging stares already), I feel waltz brings out a more delicate, refined tone that Kristoph's outer personality has. I have watched a lot dance to play music (Especially flamenco, gotta love that Symphonie Espagnole) and a lot of my characterization also ties in with how I think the character would dance. I gotchu guys. Don't worry. Judging stare. Aaah I love Chicago! And musical theatre in general, but hey, who would be here if they didn't? No promises, Supreme Leader, but I'd totally be interesting in at least checking it out! I 100% agree about Kristoph though. A tango wouldn't be like awful. But a cautious, bordering on dangerous, waltz feels befitting to Kris. |
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Post by Kai on Jun 14, 2016 2:46:26 GMT
Oh yeah! That reminds me, because I saw the word "tango" and was reminded. Going completely off topic, I started this small project which is basically Chicago's Cell Block Tango but with Ace Attorney villains instead. Hit me up if you're interested. So I've always seen Kristoph's dance style as more of an elegant waltz, rather than a passionate tango. Tango is super passionate and seductive and sexy, and although Kristoph is arguably seductive and sexy (I can feel the judging stares already), I feel waltz brings out a more delicate, refined tone that Kristoph's outer personality has. I have watched a lot dance to play music (Especially flamenco, gotta love that Symphonie Espagnole) and a lot of my characterization also ties in with how I think the character would dance. I gotchu guys. Don't worry. Judging stare. Aaah I love Chicago! And musical theatre in general, but hey, who would be here if they didn't? No promises, Supreme Leader, but I'd totally be interesting in at least checking it out! I 100% agree about Kristoph though. A tango wouldn't be like awful. But a cautious, bordering on dangerous, waltz feels befitting to Kris. WHO'S STARING AT MEEEEHHHHH?!?!?Yeah. I guess because I started drawing concept art for no particular reason, Kristoph ended up as a borderline bishonen. GG everyone, that's all I can draw. |
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Post by Lumos314 on Jun 14, 2016 2:47:03 GMT
I actually was thinking about it and relating it to something like This but darker. I actually have the midi file for the song... Heh. I'm going to try using that as a backdrop and playing with the chords to match your melodies... I'll work on that.  |
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Post by gyakutentrial on Jun 14, 2016 2:49:35 GMT
Oh yeah, totally okay!! Legit, it's kinda relieving lol. Good luck, and I'll still be working on it too, so we should like message each other and get it more polished and stuff, yeah? Lol this is my first time too, so we're all in the same boat. I hope I will be a good leader to you guys! KAI UR A GREAT LEADER |
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Post by Lumos314 on Jun 14, 2016 2:49:37 GMT
(Also I forgot to mention that I like listening to your voice, lawyernerd. It's nice!)
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Post by gyakutentrial on Jun 14, 2016 2:51:02 GMT
I actually was thinking about it and relating it to something like This but darker. I actually have the midi file for the song... Heh. I'm going to try using that as a backdrop and playing with the chords to match your melodies... I'll work on that. why am i nostalgic for this song? I never even played this game. |
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Post by lawyernerd on Jun 14, 2016 2:53:21 GMT
I actually was thinking about it and relating it to something like This but darker. I actually have the midi file for the song... Heh. I'm going to try using that as a backdrop and playing with the chords to match your melodies... I'll work on that. why am i nostalgic for this song? I never even played this game. ITS SUCH A GOOD GAME I LOVE IT That's great! Thanks, Lumos, you're the best! |
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Post by lawyernerd on Jun 14, 2016 2:54:12 GMT
Lol this is my first time too, so we're all in the same boat. I hope I will be a good leader to you guys! KAI UR A GREAT LEADER SECONDED You're like really cool Kai and like I think this is the first time we've actually talked so I'm like lowkey AH SENPAI NOTICED ME |
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Post by lawyernerd on Jun 14, 2016 2:55:46 GMT
(Also I forgot to mention that I like listening to your voice, lawyernerd. It's nice!) /unholy screech THANK YOU (＾౪)/ |
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Post by gyakutentrial on Jun 14, 2016 3:02:22 GMT
okay i feel like i'm pushing the whole skype thing really way too hard, but the thing is, i don't know when to stop:
It kinda seems like lawyer, lumos and I all wanna work on the song together so *wiggles eyebrows* but if not that's also fine
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Post by Kai on Jun 14, 2016 3:03:36 GMT
So I'm going to try to invert the objection theme for maybe a Kristoph song or an Edgey Nick song. (Ha see what I did there? Lowkey ships Narumitsu) Wish me luck. |
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Post by lawyernerd on Jun 14, 2016 3:06:25 GMT
So I'm going to try to invert the objection theme for maybe a Kristoph song or an Edgey Nick song. (Ha see what I did there? Lowkey ships Narumitsu) Wish me luck. *Sal Manella voice* You've awakened my.... NARUMITSU P0W3RS!!1! |
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Post by lawyernerd on Jun 14, 2016 3:08:41 GMT
okay i feel like i'm pushing the whole skype thing really way too hard, but the thing is, i don't know when to stop: It kinda seems like lawyer, lumos and I all wanna work on the song together so *wiggles eyebrows* but if not that's also fine lol i've never actually been on skype before in my life but i would be down |
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Post by gyakutentrial on Jun 14, 2016 3:09:24 GMT
*pounding fists on table* NARUMITSU! NARUMITSU! NARUMITSU! NARUMISTU!
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Post by Kai on Jun 14, 2016 3:21:23 GMT
*pounding fists on table* NARUMITSU! NARUMITSU! NARUMITSU! NARUMISTU! Oh no, what have I begun? |
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Post by gyakutentrial on Jun 14, 2016 3:26:37 GMT
*pounding fists on table* NARUMITSU! NARUMITSU! NARUMITSU! NARUMISTU! Oh no, what have I begun? something great  |
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Post by Kai on Jun 14, 2016 3:30:29 GMT
Oh no, what have I begun? something great  |
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